notjustamilitarywife

I decided not long after my husband commissioned that if I was going to make this lifestyle work, then I had to set myself a few guidelines.

I’m a list maker.  I love bullet points.  Numbered layouts make me shiver in delight.

So naturally, I decided to craft a “Military Wife Bill of Rights” for myself.  It was to be more than just a gathering of words on paper to occupy myself for a few minutes. This was to have monumental significance; a beacon of belief that would get me through the lowest of lows and the toughest of assignments.  It was to serve as a set of secular commandments for myself to guide my actions and attitudes.  I harbored, for a brief time, the fancy that I would design and cross-stitch and frame my bill of rights.  But as I’ve mentioned before . . .  I’m just not that kind of military wife.

So I thought about it a lot but never even wrote it down.  Until now.  Ladies and Gentleman, I present for the first time:

The Modern Military Wives’s Bill of Rights

1.  I WILL make the effort to enjoy the uniqueness of every assignment.

Any military wife with any experience knows there are some assignments that no one wants.  They’re out in the middle of nowhere, in boring Podunk towns, or located in a climate zone that no one would live in voluntarily.  But chances are, you’ll get one of those assignments at least once over the course of your husband’s career.  So, make lemonade out of your lemon-of-an-assignment.  Learn what few things DO exist for fun, and do them.  Don’t skulk around on base and whine for the full length of your time there.  Try a new hobby.  Maybe you’ll learn you love ice fishing, or desert hiking, or corn husking, or whatever delightful activity the natives engage in.  If not, at least you can say you’ve tried it.  How many other lifestyles allow you to travel all over the place and not get called a flake?  Take advantage!

  2.  I WILL NOT allow anyone to treat me like a transient.

This one, I think, is my favorite.  My biggest fear as a military wife (well, besides that whole husband-going-off-to-war-getting-blown-to-bits thing) is that I’d be brushed off when opportunities in work and relationships  arise because I can’t commit to being around forever.  Yes, I might only work for your company for a year or two- but does that devalue the quality of the work I’ll give you in that time frame?  Sure, I might not still live down the street when your kids graduate from High School- but does that reduce the rapport that we can share while I am here?  Like my blog states, I am not JUST a military wife, so I don’t want to be denied any opportunities based on that particular aspect of myself!

3.  I WILL develop at least one friendship outside of our military community.

The military generally makes it easy to make friends at a new assignment.  Everyone else there, after all, is in the same boat as you, or has been at some point.  But I’ve always valued having more than one circle to run in, and it’s nice to have someone to keep you connected to the ‘real world’ outside the DOD system.  

4.  I WILL put out the effort to maintain at least one friendship beyond each assignment.

It would be nice to live in a fantasy world and believe that I’m going to stay in contact with every person I’ve ever had more than a casual friendship with.  But the reality is that’s difficult to do even with only one or two moves under your belt.  When you’re military, you’re going to be moving much more often, and no one has the time or energy to be sending out Christmas Cards by the thousands every year.  When you move a lot, you meet a lot of people, and it’s just not realistic that you’re going to maintain the same level of friendship with each of those people once you’re relocated.  But I think it’s important to make sure you come out of each assignment with at least one ‘forever friendship,’ and to take the time to nurture and maintain that friendship once you’ve moved on.

As a military wife, or should I say, as MORE than just a military wife, I pledge to abide by these tenets; to conduct my military lifestyle in a way that maximizes its opportunities and minimizes its negative impact on my ability to lead a normal life as a successful and happy woman; and to always remind myself of the advantages of my lifestyle when its drawbacks have got me down!

I’m only two years into my husband’s active duty, and I’ve yet to have experienced a deployment, so I’m sure I will think of more to add.  I’ll keep posting on my blog when I get more.  I’d love to hear other ideas for this Bill of Rights in my comments- please, share!