notjustamilitarywife

As much as I’ve posted about the importance of non-military friendships, the fact is that I’ve made some amazing friends within the military community. I’m not trying to hate on military friendships- I really treasure the ones I have. What I do have mixed feelings about, however, are Spouses Clubs. I’ve experienced the good, and the not-so-good.

At our last base I really enjoyed the Spouse’s Club events. I was pretty much the lowest of the low in the military spouse pecking order: my husband was a brand new 2nd Lt, fresh out of school, and assigned to a casual job while he waited for a spot to open up in training. With the Langley Spouse’s Club, though, I did not once feel like a less valued participant than anyone else. The squadron leader’s wife was one of the most down-to-earth and friendly person I have ever met, and she made an effort right away to know my name and take an interest in me beyond surface formalities. She involved me in volunteering and participating in squadron events. I even played Easter Bunny for the annual squadron Easter Egg Hunt when the scheduled guy was a no-show.

 When we got here to Randolph, I was excited to get involved in the Spouse’s Club right away because of my previous experiences.  The spouses here are big on monthly Bunco meetings and the first one I attended was pretty fun.  I went alone, not knowing anyone, but I felt welcomed and comfortable. 

It’s important to note, for the purposes of this post, that Randolph is an AETC, ‘teaching base,’ and many of the officers stationed here fall into either the category of “instructor” or “student” navigators.  At the first Bunco meeting, the group was about half-and-half.  Although there tended to be an age difference between the two groups of 6 or more years, there wasn’t any noticable divide between the two.  I was excited for the next meeting and convinced my friend Sasha to tag along.

The next Bunco meeting was a very, very different experience.

Sasha and I were the ONLY ’student wives’ in a large group of women.  Even though this time I had brought a friend, I felt much less comfortable.  No one seemed particularly interested in getting to know us.  If there was conversations to be had, we had to be the ones initiating with the other women.

At one point towards the beginning of the evening, one woman asked outright if our husbands were instructors or students.  I explained that Sasha’s husband had already started his class and my husband was slated to begin his training soon.  She responded, “Oh, you won’t be here for very long then.”  The dismissal was obvious.  That was a year ago and I have made no efforts since then to connect or interact with the official spouse’s group of the squadron.  I am perfectly content with this decision.

 But looking back, I still think, “REALLY?”

We’re all in the same boat here, ladies.  We’ve all felt the sting of being discounted based on our relatively transient status.  We’ve all felt cheated when we’ve met that really cool person just a few months before we’re scheduled for a PCS.  But when you live this lifestyle, don’t you owe it to yourself make the most of every moment, and pursue that personal connection, even if it might be short lived?  That I was treated that way by a fellow military spouse was unbelievable to me.  Lucky for me, I guess, that our next station is going to be semi-permanent- hopefully it will have an awesome, down-to-earth, friendly group of like minded military wives.  And if not, well, I’ve always got Craigslist.