notjustamilitarywife

It’s gotten rather chilly in the evenings and as I was getting ready to head out the door yesterday evening, I pulled out a little jacket that I haven’t worn in a while.  This pin was stuck to the left chest area:

In case you can’t make out all the words, the piece on the left says “Royal Navy” in the scrolls and the portion on the right reads, “The Lord watch between me and thee when we are absent one from another.”

My mom bought two of these pins, one for me and one for my sister, in 1993 at a little flea market in England.   The story behind them, she was told, was they were made for British women to wear as a tribute to their sweethearts serving in WWII.  My mom thought they were kitschy and sweet and presented them to her daughters, at the time 12 and 9.  Given my propensity for losing things, it’s a wonder I still have it, one week from the big 2-6.

It seemed a little ironic to me that my mom would have bought this for me all those years ago, and now I’m a military wife.  And I pulled it out, for the first time in a while, during a period when Justin’s separated from me on a TDY.  Granted he’s not in the Navy, let alone the Royal one, but you see what I’m getting at here.  I like the idea of having a little trinket tribute to my husband while he’s away.  I think I’m going to wear it more often in the next few weeks.

My husband left for survival training today.  Yesterday, he asked me to go get his phone off the counter and bring it to him.  I spent a couple minutes stupidly looking all over the kitchen and totally missed what I was *really* supposed to be finding:

He’d bought me beautiful red roses.  And even though my logical opinion on cut flowers is that they are generally a waste of money, as they are not a lasting good and don’t provide you with tangible benefits such as nourishment or entertainment-still, I feel blessed to have a thoughtful and caring husband- and I love them.  Look closer at the tag:

I love the thought.  Of course, roses aren’t great company.  When it comes to filling in for a husband, they are greatly lacking.  If I spoon my roses in bed at night, snuggling up to them to get some sleep, I will probably spill all over my sheets and have to sleep in a puddle.  Roses won’t make me  feel protected at night when I think I hear noises downstairs.  They won’t listen to me talk about my day or carry on an interesting conversation with me.  Roses aren’t going to keep me from feeling lonely as I celebrate Thanksgiving and my birthday without my husband.

But now that I’ve gotten that little bit of self-pity out, I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself.  Cause yeah, it sucks to be home alone three weeks, and not have your loved one around to split the wishbone with you or serve your birthday cake.  But it sucks even worse to be out in the woods, learning to live off the land and having to catch and cook your Thanksgiving meal over an open fire (and forget about having turkey or mashed potatoes).  I may not have Justin with me on my birthday (November 28th) but he’s going to be spending HIS birthday (December 11th) in a mock-POW camp learning to resist  coersion techniques- and that’s infinitely worse, in a way that I can’t even begin to comprehend.  So while I feel a little sorry for myself, my sympathy for him is much greater- and I’m going to try and use that as a reality check when I get bummed over the next few weeks.

I’ve finally posted pics of our new house in Georgia.  I just spent a lot of time posting and captioning them on my other blog.  Seeing how long that took me the first time around, I figured instead of doing it all over again here, I’d just post a link to the blog post on my other site:  pictures on my personal blog

The new house, as I have mentioned before, is on the small side- 1132 square feet- but I think it will comfy and cozy for the time we’re there.  Hopefully, we’ll be able to rent it out easily once we’ve moved on.  When I first started looking around and asked a question about this property, I was told townhomes in this area rent out pretty quickly.  So, I feel good at this point.  : )  Looking forward to making a home in our new little dollhouse!

Before we got orders to Texas, I was a full time student getting my Master’s in Professional Writing in Norfolk, VA.  I was hoping I’d get most of the degree finished before we would have to move again.  Of course, things didn’t go the way I thought they would.  I finished 15/30 required credits, then had to pull out of the 3 classes I had just started in the fall 2007 semester when we got orders to move in a month.

Last January I took an online course from TTU that could be transferred back to ODU (home university).  But after that, I stalled.  My work was really demanding, summer was our busy season and I knew accelerated summer courses would be out of the question.  Fall rolled around and I had all sorts of reasons not to take another class.  But now, I want to get back on track, and have been working diligently towards that end for the last few days.

And it is truly WORK.  It feels like there’s as much red tape and bureaucracy involved in academia as there is in the military!  Add that to all the paperwork involved in getting our mortgage and house closing finalized, and I’m sure you can see why I have a very good reason for the chaotic state of my house and the fact that I’ve microwaved the past 10 meals or so that I’ve eaten.

I’m having to be readmitted to ODU since it’s been over 12 months since I last attended class there.  They are now offering courses in my degree that can be taken remotely (via 2-way audio/video feed) which were not offered a year ago when I had to move.  It’s great that I have this option now, and can actually take classes from the university that I’ll be receiving a degree from.  Unfortunately, now I’m not going to be eligible for in-state tuition.  And that makes a big difference, dollar wise.

Astute readers, at this point, might be thinking to themselves, ” . . .  but you don’t live in Virginia anymore- why would you expect to pay tuition as if you did?”

Well, I don’t expect it.  I still have to complain a little here, though, despite knowing nothing will come of it.  I feel like there should be some sort of exception for military spouses when it comes to determining tuition rates.  If Justin wasn’t serving in the military, I’d have finished my degree in VA by now.  But, we’ve both chosen to let the Air Force move us around at will for the good of our country.  And because of that, I’m going to have to pay twice as much for the rest of my education.

This whole thing’s been so complicated.  I’ve spent hours upon countless hours on the phone and emailing people at ODU and TTU trying to get my long distance education in order.  Now it’s going to cost a bunch more money.  I know it’s money well spent, but it’s frustrating to think that it would have cost so much less if we hadn’t been willing to let the US military dictate where and when we’d be moving.

My advice to a miltary wife would be this: I’m all for education, but at this point I wouldn’t recommend starting a degree unless you know you’ve going to stay in one place long enough to finish it.  There are ways to get around the in-state tuition requirements, as a military wife, when you’re just moving to a state.  Once you’ve moved out of that state and are trying to finish up from afar, not so much.

In reviewing my traffic resources I have noticed a handful of people have found their way here through a Google search on “DITY calculator.”  I don’t know if they’ve found my DITY post helpful or not- however, I know they haven’t found an actual calculator on my site.  I know it can be hard to get all the information you need when planning a military move (or, for that matter, any type of move!) and deciding on the best course of action.  I thought I’d take a little time to gather some resources that I have found, from the web, here for the next person who stumbles onto my site looking for a DITY calculator!  All this is stuff you could find yourself, fairly easily, with the help of an internet search engine.  By gathering it here, though, hopefully I’ll save someone a little time in trying to find it all!

Weight Estimator

Before you can even use a DITY calculator, you’re going to need an estimate of how many pounds of belongings you’ll be moving.  Here’s a link to a place that you can get that: AF Weight Estimator

Note that this can be used for any branch of the service, or for civilians as well- the estimated weight of your stuff isn’t going to vary based on who you work for. : )

Remember, this only gives you an estimate.  However, this ought to be good enough to give you a decent idea of how much you’re going to be entitled to- once you make it to the DITY calculator.

Your Weight Allowance

You’ll want to make sure that you are within the allowed weight limit (based on rank and whether or not there are dependents).  Find that here: Joint Federal Travel Weight Allowances

If I am not mistaken, this chart should be accurate for all branches of the military- not just AF.

DITY Calculator

Now, for the good stuff: find out how much you are entitled to for your move.

You’ll need the weight estimate from earlier, the city and state of your move’s origin and destination, and the pay grade of the service member.  Note that while this DITY calculator is from the Navy’s website, I found a link to it from the AF Move website, and the calculator makes a mention of Marine moves- so I think it’s safe to assume this link is valid for any branch of the service.

Before your eyes light up and you have visions of plasma TVs or diamond jewelry dancing in your head, however, remember that you are going to need to use your DITY entitlement to actually move.  Meaning, that big number you might be looking at on your screen right now isn’t going to go straight into your savings account (or next big splurge).  If done right you can walk away with a little bit of profit, but the expenses of moving add up quick, so don’t go doing your victory dance just yet.

DITY Options

Probably the best way to pocket as much of your DITY entitlement as possible would be to rent a truck, pack and load everything yourself, drive to your next home, and unload without outside help.  This is also the best option if you are interested in throwing your back out, losing your sanity, or breaking up your marriage.

Unless you are insane or enjoy pain in all forms, I don’t recommend doing everything yourself.  The next step up would be to hire local movers at each location to help with loading and unloading.  You could pay an hourly rate, or a flat fee, depending on what you negotiate, and this shouldn’t put too much of a dent into your DITY payment.

Personally, though, I’d recommend looking into hiring a full service moving company yourself.  They’ll do everything that you’d get from a military sponsored move: the only difference is they’ll charge you less than they would the government, and you can pocket the remainder.  You probably won’t make a killing, but you will have a little extra cash to decorate your new place, plus, most likely you’ll still be married and have your health at the end of the process.

Here are a few other helpful references for planning a DITY move:

AF MOVE home (where I found many of the above resources-this has some good guides and checklists as well)

BaseOps FAQ  Scroll down to the PCS section for some great advice and plenty of good links

If you are looking for more resources via Google, it’s important to note that what I refer to as a ‘DITY move’ is now called a Personally Procured Move by the government- so you might have more luck finding info using this as a search term!

Hope this is helpful to someone!  Happy moving!

So I’ve been looking back through my posts here and at my other, less ‘focused’ blog , and I noticed a common theme:  really long posts.  Really, really long.  It’s my nature- I’m wordy.  If I wasn’t, I’d probably be pretty screwed with this whole ‘writer’ thing.

But I’m going to try and keep my posts a little shorter for a while.  I’m learning a bunch about writing for the web, and hideously long blog posts, apparently, are a big no-no.  Oh, and I’m going to make a better effort at posting pictures too- once the good camera gets home along with my husband.

On an unrelated (but quick!  Short and quick!) note, my traffic for last week was up 150% from the week before.  Granted, I had an average of 20 visits per day- nothing that any dedicated follower would brag about.  But you have no idea how excited I get to be building more regular traffic.  So, for those of you who follow this or visit on a regular basis, thank you thank you! : )

My husband’s not actually on TDY- he’s on permissive house hunting leave- but it amounts to the same thing: I’m home alone while he’s far away doing something (in this case, indirectly) related to the military.  My experience with the animals these past few days leads me to worry what things are going to be like when he’s off on REAL TDY or deployment.

First of all, the animals are all being super needy- which makes sense, since only one of their normal caregivers is here.  It’s been burdensome for me though.  The cats (2 in particular) have been constantly leaping into my lap and onto the desk while I’m trying to work, getting in the way, sticking their butts in front my my computer screen, sprawling on top of my notebook while I’m trying to write, and on and on.   Like typical cats, these guys have no concept of “no” and it never seems to faze them each time I dump them unceremoniously on the floor.  The just keep coming back.  Immediately.

But the part of cat ownership that just doesn’t work well with military life is that cats come alive at night.  My lazy little balls of fur who lie around passed out all day (usually on me, my lap, my desk, my chair, or my notebook, as previously discussed) will magically get an energy boost right when I’m trying to go to bed.  They run, chase, wrestle, and knock things down.  I’m always hearing suspicious cat-related noises from downstairs as I  drift into slumber.  And while I’ve never NOT felt safe in my neighborhood, there’s something about knowing I’m alone in the house that makes me jumpy.  When I’m half  asleep and I hear commotion downstairs, it’s hard not to be a little freaked out!  I know it’s always cats, but what about if I actually did have a home invasion, and I just brushed off the warning signs?  It’s hard not to worry just a little bit when you know you’re going to have regular periods of being ‘home alone’ for as long as your husband is in the service.  The other night, even though I knew it was ridiculous, I even got up and closed and locked the bedroom door after hearing a round of suspicious cat noises.

Of course, I had to open it up again within ten minutes, because there were five cats clawing at either side of the door, either to get in or to get out (the ‘in’ cats wanted out and the ‘out’ cats wanted in- in typical cat fashion).

After about a week of being here alone, though, the jumpiness has subsided a bit.  Maybe that’s the way it goes with deployments, too- you get used to it after a while.  Guess I’ll know for sure sometime in late 2009 or 2010 after Justin finishes all his training!

I hate to admit it, but I played the “Poor me military wife” card today. It involved a very overdue library book which I had forgotten about, and a threat to send me to collections.

In my defense, I wasn’t trying to get out of the charges.  Were they outrageous?  I think so.  But I was willing to pay them in order to avoid a hit on my credit.  I wasn’t really trying to buy more time, either, because they gave me the option to pay online that day.  No, I guess I was just trying to avoid some complete stranger thinking I am flaky.

I hate for anyone to think I am flaky.  I guess it’s a personal problem, because everyone is flaky at some point or another: it’s human nature.  I just can’t stand to admit to my occasional slip-ups on responsibility.

In the early fall of last year we found out, rather short notice (of course- we are talking about the military here) that we were going to be moving halfway across the country.  I want to say that we found out right at the beginning of September, and we had to be in Texas by the end of the month.  At that point, I was enrolled full time in graduate courses, halfway through my Master’s Degree.  Over the course of a month, I had to negotiate with all my professors at ODU to see if I could earn the credits through distance learning (I couldn’t), withdraw from my classes, fly out to Texas, find our first house, wade through all the paperwork of the mortgage and home buying process, arrange for TMO to come get our stuff, and move.   It was a hectic month, and during that period, I just didn’t get a chance to make the 45+ minute drive through the notoriously congested HRBT to return the four books on Toni Morrison I’d taken out over the summer term.  Frustrated, I told myself that I’d just pack them and send them to ODU once we’d settled in Texas.

I’m sure you can guess how well that turned out . . . .

Did you know that the movers hired by the military are supposed to UNpack for you each and every item that they packed up in your old home?  We didn’t know that, so consequently, it didn’t happen.  Unpacking myself, even with the help of my wonderful mom, took forever, and it was ages before those books surfaced.  When they did, only three emerged.  I looked everywhere for a fourth Toni Morrison book.  Nothing.  But then, all the business that comes with settling into a new place, starting a demanding full time job, taking graduate courses online, etc etc took over and I forgot about the book.

Which, yeah, was a little flaky of me.

Today, I received a bill for $100 ($80 replacement fee, and $20 in overdue fines) threatening to send me to collections.  FOR A LIBRARY BOOK!  Geez!  I immediately called, and it took over an hour to find someone who was compentent enough to process a payment for me so my credit wouldn’t take a hit.  That’s the point where I pulled out the sob story about the difficulties of military-wifehood and having to pull up stakes on such short notice.  I didn’t want anyone to judge me for my irresponsible library patronship.

Later, I looked a little harder at the invoice and realized the missing book wasn’t a Toni Morrison literary analysis at all- it was some tome regarding ethics in technical communications, which I don’t really remember taking out.  At that point I really felt like a flake, because chances are, as I was tearing through boxes looking for the “fourth Toni Morrison book,”  I probably came across this one and didn’t think twice about it, because I thought I was looking for something else.  And to go looking for it again could take forever.  I googled the title to see if a picture of the cover would ring any bells (like, “oh yeah, I just saw that on my bookshelf!”).  It didn’t, but I DID see that that particular title- which I just paid an $80 replacement fee on- is selling for $34.50 with free shipping on Amazon.

So, I think I’m going to call them back on Monday and bring this up.  I think a $45 markup is pretty ridiculous for a thin little manual on technical communication ethics.  I may have been flaky on this, but at least I’m not committing highway robbery, which is what I kinda think this is.  Thanks, ODU . . .

So we made an offer yesterday, got a reasonable counter, and we’ve accepted.  As of December 15th (proposed closing date) we’ll be dual homeowners.  Woo hoo!

We’re going to TRY to rent our San Antonio home out without the use of a property management company.  Maybe it’s overly optimistic of us, but we think we can find a renter on our own through the military network.  There’s got to be someone here in nav school right now who knows someone coming down for training sometime in Feb/March who needs offbase housing.  We’re going to post flyers and talk to our friends.  We’d prefer a military renter- not that civilian renters aren’t worthwhile people- it’s just that military renters have built in dependability.  They’ve got pretty good job security, receive dedicated funds for housing every month, and if they don’t pay or they destroy your property, you can call their commander and chances are, you will get paid.  Anyways, I like to think there is a sort of ‘code of honor’ within the military community.

A property management company will charge half of one month’s rent as a ‘finder’s fee’ for getting a qualified tenant in your home.  Seeing as we’ll be paying two mortgages come February 1st, it would really help to not have to pay that out.

I’ll post some pictures of our new little place here once Justin gets back from Georgia.  It’s adorable, like a little dollhouse.  Emphasis on the ‘little’- our challenge with this place is going to be space.  We’re moving down about 450 square feet from what we have now, and it’s not like we’re currently living in a mansion.  The condo has only two bedrooms and only one bathroom, which means we’ll probably store our guest bed and just bring it out when we have visitors.  Hopefully I’ll still be making it doing the freelance thing a couple months from now,  so I’ll need a small dedicated space to be my home office.  I think we can make it work, though.

I’ll probably be creating a page on my personal website next week with pictures and details about the house for rent, and when it’s up I’ll post the link here, on the off chance that someone reading this knows someone who might be interested.

I’m really, really hoping this works out.  Sure, there are a thousand places that something could go wrong.  We could have the house sit vacant for months.  We could get terrible renters in here who trash the place and don’t pay rent.  Something huge could suddenly break down and cost thousands.  But like I’ve said before, I’m cautiously optimistic.  If you’re reading this and you’re considering real estate investing along the lines of what we’re doing, I’m always happy to share what I know.  Not an expert or anything- just slowly building up a repertoire of knowledge based on experience.

This post is not going to make me popular with anybody.  The “everybody vote!!  votevotevote!!!!!!” hype was huge for this election.  And trust me, I agree with the principle wholeheartedly.  Yes, everyone should vote.  Exercise that constitutional right.  Make your voice heard.  Yes, this was a historic, groundbreaking election.  There was no excuse not to vote, absolutely none.

Well, except for mine.  I was not planning on voting.  I thought about it, and decided against it, for a couple of reasons.

1) I’m just starting out as a freelance writer, and, like with everything I get excited about, I am completely wrapped up in it.  It pains me to get up from my computer when I’m in the middle of a project, or when I have a blog post or an article burning in my brain.  And I just knew the polls were going to be insane this Nov. 4th.  It took me an hour and a half to cast my vote in the primary, and it took 2 hours for Justin when he early voted.  Two hours of not writing or researching or blogsurfing or any of the other things I’m madly passionate about just did not appeal to me.

So now you say, “That’s lame.  The presidential election only comes around once every four years, and this one is huge.  How can you be so lazy and short sighted?  How can you consider yourself an intelligent, educated young professional with an attitude like that?”

Ok, true.  But then consider THIS:

2) I am currently living in Texas.  Texas is a red state.  Texas will always be a red state.  Had I cast a vote for McCain, it would have been just one more vote in the inevitable tide of McCain votes.  Had I cast a vote for Obama, it wouldn’t have made a damn bit of difference in this state.

I realize that the previous statement is pretty much THE MOST UNCOOL thing I could possibly say right now.

This is where you retort, “Sarah, how can you say that?  EVERY vote counts.  Think what would happen if everyone thought that way.  Maybe if that defeatist attitude wasn’t so prevalent, ‘red states’ wouldn’t be so red, and ‘blue’ states wouldn’t be so blue.”

Yes, yes.  I know, and again, I agree- on principle.  I’d say the same to anyone else.  But let’s be honest, all voting rhetoric aside, I’m right.  My vote, regardless of who it was for, wouldn’t have one iota of a chance of changing the outcome of the election in Texas.  So, voting on principle would be just that- voting just so I could say, “I voted!” and proudly display the little sticker, and hang out with all the other cool kids that did the right thing and exercised their constitutional right to stand in line for two hours and have their say.  And is that worth two hours of my time, when there’s so much else for me to be spending that time on right now?

Anyhow, all the above was small stuff compared to my final reason for not wanting to vote:

3) I was UNDECIDED.

“OH my God,” you say. “How is that POSSIBLE?  I mean, people always talk about those ‘undecided voters’ but I thought they were just a myth.  I feel SO PASSIONATE about MY chosen candidate.  How could anyone possibly not have made up their mind by election day?  Are you mentally retarded and I just never noticed it?”

No.   No, I am not.

In fact, I am surrounded by people who are quite passionate about their political leanings.  My family is a bunch of softie, bleeding heart liberals and that is what I was raised in.  My husband is a conservative republican, as are most of our peer group in the military.  My friends from college and high school are mostly liberal, some conservative, but all, I am sure, quite staunch in their beliefs.  I find myself not wanting to talk about politics with anyone, because I just don’t want to get flamed.  Not that I think any of my friends, family, or acquaintances wouldn’t be respectful of someone having dissimilar beliefs- it’s just that I’ve heard “I just can’t BELIEVE anyone could be so STUPID as to even THINK about voting for X candidate” a few too many times- from both sides.

There were things about both candidates that I liked, and that I didn’t like.  I love what Obama stands for.  I believe that his message and his persona are what we need in the world arena today.  I like a lot of things he has said and stands for.  I also just don’t like some of his policies and positions.  I’m not going to go into them here.  On some things, I am more in line with McCain.

If I could have voted for a hybrid being, BarJohn McBama, a charasmatic symbol of hope and change who also happened to share all my views on economic and social issues, I would have happily stood in line for however many hours.  Since I couldn’t, skipping the polls sounded better than walking up to the booth still agonizing over my decision.  So I made up my mind to skip voting (and try to avoid admitting that to anyone).

My decision kept popping up and bugging me all day as I was typing and clicking away at my computer.  What if my future children, someday, curled up in my lap and said, “Mommy, tell us the story about what you did the day of the 2008 election.”

Oh my God, how would I tell them, “Oh, Mommy didn’t vote.  She wrote a couple of internet articles instead.  But don’t do as Mommy does, do as she says, and go out there and be a civic leader and an activist for what’s right and raise your voice.  I’ll just be in here watching YouTube videos and commenting on Blogs while you’re doing that.”

I thought too, about all my friends who actively campaigned in the days leading up to the election.  I thought about the dozens of thousands of zillions of facebook statuses that have popped up on my newsfeed about the political race over the past month.  I thought about November 4th, 2004, when my college roommate Abby and I sat on her perfectly comfortable couch in Camm 142, watching the votes roll in all evening, and how exciting and suspenseful it was.   But still, I stood firm.

Then at 6, my mom called: “Did you VOTE?”

Well, I can’t lie.  Especially not to my mom.  So I told her the truth.  And boy, was she pissed.  I got an earful.  And since my mom is my best friend, I felt lower than low.  I also felt righteously indignant.  I’m an adult, and I have the right to make this adult decision, right?  I was pissed.

But I went and voted anyways.  It did take me about 15 minutes to find my way to the front of the elementary school that literally backs up to my house (damn you, subdivision developers).  Once I got there, however, it was surprisingly easy.  I only had a few minutes of wait time before I walked up to the polling booth.  The election officials were ringing a little bell each time a first time voter signed it.  The bell was going off regularly while I was there- and that was nice.

But I was still undecided as I walked up to the booth.  And as I stared down at the president selection screen.

I made a decision in that moment.  Well, besides the one about who I was going to vote for as president.  I decided that my vote was going to be my business, and no one else’s.  I wasn’t going to share my decision- not with my mom, not with my husband, and not with anyone reading my blog.  I’m keeping that one locked in my heart for me alone.  But hey, I voted- isn’t that all that matters?