notjustamilitarywife

If you know where to look, there are most likely a number of special interest groups that meet on a regular basis in your area, and they usually welcome new members.  Don’t feel like you need to live, eat and breathe that particular subject in order to feel justified in joining the group.  I’m not suggesting you take on the presidency of the group or volunteer to head its membership drive.  Just use the group as another venue to meet potential friends. 

I’ll be the first to admit that this strategy didn’t work for me here in San Antonio.  I joined a wine enthusiast group, and the only person I met through that was 15 years my senior and made it clear she was mostly interested in meeting other singles- not my lifestyle anymore!  I also joined a board game meet up, and after failing to convince my husband to accompany me (“That sounds like a nerdfest.  No way.”) I summoned the courage to show up at some stranger’s house, with a bunch of strange people (“NERDS!” according to my husband), hoping I’d meet someone friendly and interesting.  When I arrived, the hostess (who was the closest to my age range and also a member of the wine group, so I was harboring a little hope that we’d become the best of friends) barely acknowledged me and I had to make the effort to go up and introduce myself to people.  It was really awkward, and when we sat down to play games, all the options were complicated ones I had never heard of (”NERD GAMES!” –husband) and everyone was reallllly anal about the rules.  I didn’t choose to attend anymore of those meet ups.  However, my bad experience does not necessitate that you will have one as well.  And even though I came out of that experience with zero new potential friends, it kept me occupied for an evening, and at least I felt like I was trying!

To find special interest groups in your area, try the following resources:

-Your local newspaper classifieds

-Craigslist (yes . . . I love Craigslist)

-www.meetup.com (this is where I found my wine and board game groups- may you have lots more luck than I did.  The potential is there)

-The local library or community center may offer special interest group meetings

Let me know if you’ve found any other resources for local interest groups.  Our next assignment is coming up in March so I’ve got to be proactive for my next group of friends!

If you aren’t religious in any way, shape or form, don’t try to meet new friends at church.  If you’re successful in meeting a fabulous forever friend, then that’s just an awkward conversation waiting to happen the first time they want you to attend a retreat or join a bible study with them.  If, however, praise music doesn’t make your ears bleed, you enjoy a good scripture discussion every once and a while, and (this one’s the kicker) you believe in God in one form or another, then joining a congregation is potentially a great way to meet new people.

Now, in the interests of full disclosure, this one didn’t work for me either.  I’ve tried this in the last few places I’ve lived and no dice on the new friends.  It seems in my denomination (Episcopalian), people generally attend church with their family until they branch out as new adults, and then the desire to sleep in on Sundays becomes too great and they drop out of the scene for a few years (My husband and I are guilty of this).  Once these young adults start families of their own, they come back to the fray.  So if your church is like mine, you’re going to have more luck meeting people if you’re a little older and you’ve already started your family.  If you are nearing or have reached retirement age, then you have hit new-friend-gold in the Episcopal Church.  Retirement aged Episcopalians are awesome.  I have many family friends back at home that fall into this category that are more fun to hang out with than plenty of people in my own age group.  However, when you’re 25 in a new place, you just can’t invite retirees over for poker night.

But I digress.

Churches often offer more than just Sunday services, so outside of coffee hour you can get to know people at bible studies, parenting groups, and social events.  In general, you can usually assume that someone you meet at a church event is probably a decent person.  And if you attend the same church, you most likely share a lot of the same values.  Unless you’ve been assigned to a one-horse town, you should try out a few churches before settling on one, because the congregation is going to be different at each and you’ll probably feel more comfortable at one or another. 

In the spirit of my last blog entry, I thought I’d do a post on how to meet non-military friends.  This is much harder to do than you might expect.  The college experience, I learned quickly after graduating from college, is in no way indicative of the social conditions of the real world.  I got lulled into a false sense of security at our first base assignment as well, because we lucked out and got assigned to the only base within 30 minutes of my home town and my college town.  I didn’t have to go looking friends because I already had a crowd to hang with there.

Then we got sent to San Antonio for navigator training.  Holy crap.  I got pushed into the metaphorical deep end of loneliness and boredom.  First of all, we reported in a good two months prior to my husband’s class start date, so all the people who were to be our peers weren’t even on their way yet.  I got a job lined up but it involved waiting around to fill in for someone’s maternity leave, and that baby took a month and a half to make his way into the world.  It takes me about two days, maybe three of doing basically nothing before I go stir crazy and I reached that point almost right away.  I decided I was going to make every effort possible to make some new friends while I was waiting around to work.  I’m a well-adjusted, fairly socially adept person- shouldn’t be too hard, right?

Wrong.

However, I did eventually meet some fantastic friends.  Granted only one of those is from outside the military circle.  However, she is awesome and worth all the hassle I went through trying to make a non-military friend.  And I’ll share my ideas and tips for meeting new people with you here, in the hopes that you’ll have a higher success rate than I did- or at least, find that one awesome civilian friend that I think every modern military wife should have.

Since I have a natural tendency towards wordiness, I’m going to spread my tips out over several posts.  That way, you’ve got something to look forward to- lucky you!  And that way I can always add more if I get new ideas.

1. Craigslist

Yes, I am actually suggesting you use the personals on Craigslist.  If you use common sense and you’re careful, it’s possible to meet genuinely nice, fun people who are looking for new friends.  I met my one ‘non-military’ friend in
San Antonio on Craigslist, answering an ad she put out looking to meet new friends in the area.  She and her fiancé actually met the majority of their group of friends from their last home on Craigslist.

Now, back to the point about common sense- there’s a lot of creeps and weirdos skulking around on Craigslist, so you have to be careful.  Generally you can tell from someone’s email if they are a normal person looking to expand their social circle, or if their intentions are trending in a more sinister direction.  Still, if you get good vibes and you want to meet someone, do it in a public place.  Make it a group thing if you can.  Don’t give out personal information like your address or even your last name until you really feel you can trust someone. 

For more tips on using Craigslist safely, check out my article on hubpages:
http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Meet-Friends-While-Avoiding-Creeps-on-Craigslist